still nothing good

i can't remember the last time i've felt this down

inner dialogue: the challenge of work

"I will destroy you," work said.
"not today you won't" I replied.
"there's always tomorrow," work retorted.

nothing good happens after 2AM

Case in point.

for posterity

On the twenty first of July, 2009, Clee agreed to a raincheck involving a live guitar/singing performance with all parties involved.

Void where prohibited. Limit one per person. May not be combined with other offers or rebates.

less is more (more or less)

Less is more and more is less,
and I must confess,
that when it comes to:

wreck less and restless
vs
reckless and less rest

i'm unsure what to do.

Oh, what a mess.

form letters from high school

Searching through my stuff, I found this today:

5/05/**

Dear Ryan,

Congratulations! You have been nominated to be March artist of the month. In accepting this award, you must submit one piece of artwork created and completed by yourself during the year 20**/20**. If you chose to accept, please hand in your artwork to Mr. R., no later than one week after your nomination. Your artwork will be displayed to the student body in the lunchroom staircase display case. Your artwork will be returned after one or two months of display. Thanks for your cooperation! If you have any questions [sic] feel to contact me at *********@aol.com.

ASB Fine Arts Liasison,

[signature]

H******* H******

The reason that I bring this up is not because I am (or ever was) a particularly good artist, but to highlight my quickly fading memory and the ridiculous idea that I came up with while I was reading it. The only thing I remember about this girl is that she had a sister with the exact same initials. But how funny and incredibly awkward would it be to go to my 10 year high school reunion with this letter, search out this person, and make up a story about how this single letter changed the course of my life?

Answer: Soooooooo awkward.

Actually, that sounds like a terrible idea. A horrifically awkward, terrible idea.

the imaginary airwave martyr

The last melodious words to leave his mouth:

"where does my help come from? my help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and-"

*static*

There was nothing more than the static that keeps the void company.

Sure I was just driving past the reach of the radio station, but try telling that to my vividly overactive imagination.

I imagined a look of peace on the face of a man, standing unfazed in the direct path of a wall of water. Neither looking at it, nor away from it, he is not under any false impressions that he will or could survive. Not desperate, not hysterical, not hopeless, and not in denial, not there due to his own mistake, not flinching, he sings aloud as his soul prays in a whisper.

"I'll praise you in the storm, and I will lift my hands "

In the good times and the bad, You've always been there.

"For You are who You are, no matter where I am"

From age to age, from generation to generation, whether here, there, or anywhere, You are.

"and every tear I've cried, You hold in your hand"

It's a closeness beyond compare with the God of the universe, yet you've called me nothing less than friend.

"You never left my side and though my heart is torn"

There's still so much I wish I had done.

"I will praise You in the storm"

You who deserves all praise.

incarnational ministry

What do you mean "incarnational ministry"?

Just like any other popular buzzphrase, it really has no meaning when left to itself. I think the true power of phrases like, "intentional community", and "servant leadership", and "seeker sensitivity" all require a common understanding of the context and the explicit definition within that context.

Take for example, "Christian".

There are so many ideas, feelings, and impressions that the word excites in the imagination of people. Some find it a repulsive, ugly word that reeks of condemnation and spite. Others find it an inspirational and soothing reminder of the undeserved grace that God has bestowed upon them.

The only reason I bring this up is because when I googled that phrase just a second ago, I got 1.2 million results. Some certainly have a definition for what they mean, and I'm not trying to contradict that, I'm just trying to describe the thoughts that I associate with the phrase.

This is what I wrote down at Church today:

We're not going to Church, we are the Church.
We're not doing the ministry, we're living the ministry.
We don't talk the gospel at people, we experience and share in the transformative power of the gospel together.

We do as we say, and we say as we do.

Incarnational ministry is an extension of the individual's life, and as such, require transparency, humility, vulnerability, teachability, and the power of the Holy Spirit. The extension of a life apart from Christ is not incarnational ministry, it's just incarnational self.

And being myself incarnate is too easy.

Sorry for the long, nonsensical intro, and thanks for reading.

i need new strings

and by "need new strings" i mean "need the motivation to take the strings that i already have and replace them on my guitars". man, i'm lazy. or maybe the guitars are lazy, all they do is play.

on second thought, maybe i'll just wait till they break.

a very different last week of june

It was a very different week than most. On the surface it looked exactly like the week before it and exactly like the week before that.

Camp week.

It was this exact sameness that differentiated this week from the last week in June the year previous, and the year previous to the year previous.

No blazing heat.
No all day road trip.
No 7am camp staff meetings.
No mysterious cafeteria meals.
No stress, strain, and lack of sleep.

Then again...

No heat of the spirit ablaze.
No camaraderie-forming captivity.
No role in raising their eyes to His reality.
No late nights of laughing over inside jokes untold.
No view to the vital transforming power bringing new vibrancy.

There's nothing magical about the camp; it's just that God show up every time.

This year I didn't.

i wish my name rhymed with costco

i wish my name rhymed with costco.

because i like costco.